10. "The Just Plain Mean One"

It's a handwritten letter that begins with "Ms. Thomas" and ends with "Best of luck". In between those niceities she says, "Unfortunately yours is not the kind of outstanding work we are looking for. We accept only quality writing." <ouch>

9. "The Clipping"

This form rejection is a few typed lines that someone cut out of a larger piece of paper. Were they going for the true rejection "slip"?

8. "The Nameless"

This one has a check in the box in front of "send complete manuscript". The form for "Dear _____" has been left blank. When I finally got a nibble it still felt like a rejection letter!



7. "The Boomerang"

This one of the worst: waiting for an answer only to get my own query letter right back at me. "Forwarding address expired"

                        6. "The Psychic Rejection"

This is when I have been rejected with tell-tale signs that the publishing staff has not read any of my query materials. Did they hold my envelope against their forehead and fail to pick up the "bestselling novelist" vibe?



5. "The Form Letter that Deeply Regrets Being a Form Letter"

The letter begins with "We deeply regret having to use this form letter". I'm sure the editors are quite anguished. <snork!>

4. "The Scribble"

It says "Sorry, this isn't something we can use". Someone scribbled this as if he/she is too busy and important to neatly write or type a seven word sentence.

3. "The Ransom"

"SORRY, NOT FOR US.
GOOD LUCK ELSEWHERE"
This rejection letter is two lines of type all in caps, from a bad typewriter.

2. "The Big Black Hole"

This is when I never receive anything back from a publisher, even after providing a self addressed stamped envelope.


And my personal favorite:

1. "The Authorgram"

This is a form letter with the word Authorgram at the bottom. My submission did not meet their present needs. I wonder who designed this rejection slip? I can just hear the round table discussion on this one: "It's like a Telegram, get it?" Yes, I get it. Thanks. <sarcasm>

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In the defense of publishers -- Sometimes I get a query letter from an inspiring writer for Independent Spirit Publishing even though I am not soliciting manuscripts, I'm not listed in Writer's Market, and I clearly state that I cannot publish other authors. I've not been very good about responding to authors who send me materials in the mail because I'm busy (with the kids, life stuff, etc.) and I don't get around to my good intentions to reply. If I get a query by e-mail I write back about 95% of the time with advice and encouragement. So... even though I'm trying to be helpful and warm to inspiring writers I fail miserably when they contact me via regular postal mail.

My point is: When you are rejected, it's unlikely to be anything personal, and often it's not based on your writing skills either. Believe in yourself and keep plugging away. You'll either find a way in, or a way AROUND. If you have the thirst for writing -- there's room for your work in this world. Don't give up.

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